The war between Israel and Ammon began when Hanun the Ammonite humiliated David’s peace envoys, then hired mercenaries to fight him. David and Joab defeated the mercenaries soundly and David went back to Jerusalem leaving Joab to deal with the city of Rabbah, the Ammonite’s great fortress city.

While King David was dealing with problems at home in Jerusalem, Joab continued to follow orders to destroy the Ammonites. After the death of Uriah, David told Joab, to “Press the attack against the city and destroy it.” 2 Samuel 11:25

The Defeat of the Ammonites

Joab besieged Rabbah and got control of its water supply. After that it was only a matter of time before the people of Rabbah would lose the fight against Israel.

Joab sent word to David that Rabbah was about to fall. He told David that if he wanted the glory of defeating the Ammonites he needed to bring the rest of the army and finish the job himself. Otherwise, history would give Joab the credit and the city would be named after him.

A besieged city without water was a soft target and David easily took it with his troops. He entered the city and took the crown from their king’s head. It was a 75 pound piece of gold studded with jewels. David put it on his own head, but probably not for long. It became part of the rich plunder the Israelites took from Rabbah.

David didn’t destroy the Ammonites; he consigned them to working at manual labor. He did the same with the people in all of the Ammonite towns. Unlike the Philistines and Amalekites, the Ammonites, Moabites, and Edomites were blood relations of the Israelites. God disciplined them, but didn’t destroy them in their struggles with Israel.

The Rape of Tamar

David’s sons had grown to adulthood in the palace, and some of them moved to houses of their own, but they were still constant visitors in their father’s home. Amnon was King David’s firstborn son, with primary claim to the throne of Israel. He lived in his own apartment in the palace.

Amnon seems to have had a lot of time on his hands and he used some of it to fantasize about his half-sister Tamar, sister of his half-brother Absalom. Unfortunately, Amnon had a cousin named Jonadab, who stoked Amnon’s obsession with Tamar and helped him devise a plan.

Tamar went to Amnon as she was directed to do by her father. She made bread for Amnon and brought it to him, but when his intentions became clear she pleaded with him not to rape her.

“‘No, my brother!’ she said to him. ‘Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.’” 2 Samuel 13:12-13

Tamar’s Plea

Tamar pled for herself, but she also proposed the honorable solution of marriage to save her brother’s reputation and avoid disgrace for the House of David. But Amnon had imagined taking Tamar for so long that nothing could stop him. “He refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.” 2 Samuel 13:14

When Amnon’s lust subsided he suddenly felt intense hatred for Tamar. He cast her out as if she were the one guilty of a crime. She went away distraught, put ashes on her head and tore her ornate robes. Holding her head in her hands she wept aloud as she went.

Absalom Cares for Tamar

Absalom guessed what had happened as soon as he saw Tamar grieving. Apparently Amnon’s obsession was known to the family.

“Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you?” 2 Samuel 13:20

He tried to calm Tamar, but they both knew that Amnon had destroyed her life. She would never marry and have a family of her own. Absalom took his sister into his own home where she lived as a desolate woman.

“When King David heard all this, he was furious.” 2 Samuel 13:21

David was angry, but he apparently did nothing about the situation with Amnon. He also didn’t pay attention to the tension building among his sons. Absalom held his peace and didn’t say anything, but he never forgot what Amnon did to Tamar.

Absalom’s Revenge

Two years went by and then Absalom invited his father and brothers to his sheep shearing celebration. David declined to go, even when Absalom urged him, but he gave Absalom his blessing.

Absalom then asked that the crown prince Amnon go in King David’s place and he pestered David until he consented. Amnon and the rest of the king’s sons came to the feast Absalom prepared for them, and when Amnon was drunk Absalom ordered his assassination.

The rest of the king’s sons got on their mules and fled back to Jerusalem. While they were on the way King David got a report that Absalom had killed all of his brothers. Jonadab who seems to have known everything that was going on in the palace guessed what had really happened.

“But Jonadab said, ‘My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar. My lord the king should not be concerned about the report that all the king’s sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.’” 2 Samuel 13:32-33

The remaining princes arrived at the palace, weeping loudly, and David and his court joined them with bitter tears. David mourned many days for his son.

But Absalom fled to the hometown of his mother Maacah in Geshur and stayed there for three years.

Joab and the Wise Woman

After three years King David came to terms with the death of his son Amnon and he began to miss Absalom. Estrangement between a father and son is a heavy burden to bear and Joab noticed how downhearted David was.

Absalom was guilty of the murder of his brother so he couldn’t come home without facing consequences. David had the power to absolve Absalom of his crime and let him come home, but he needed to be convinced to do so. Time went by and David took no action at all.

Joab hired a wise woman from Tekoa who contrived a story that helped David reframe the situation. She claimed that one of her two sons killed his brother and was in danger of losing his life to the avenger of blood. If that happened, her husband’s name would disappear since all of his heirs would be dead.

David Proposes a Solution

David promised to pardon her remaining son so the family line would continue. The woman asked David three times if he would really pardon her son and he promised he would. Then she asked him why he didn’t extend the same grace to his own banished son.

David realized that the story was really about his son Absalom and he asked her if Joab was behind it. She said he was and then she flattered the king.

“Your servant Joab did this to change the present situation. My lord has wisdom like that of an angel of God – he knows everything that happens in the land.” 2 Samuel 14:20

The king turned to Joab and told him he could go and bring Absalom back from Geshur.

“Joab fell with his face to the ground to pay him honor, and he blessed the king. Joab said, ‘Today your servant knows that he has found favor in your eyes, my lord the king, because the king has granted his servant’s request.’” 2 Samuel 14:22

The Failings of the King

King David had become an entitled, proud, and arrogant man who needed flattery and persuasion to be convinced to do the right thing. Once he had been a man among men, a warrior among warriors, but now he lived in a palace where he and his sons led lives of self-indulgence. Joab, who had known David all his life was reduced to subterfuge in order to guide David to make important decisions.

David was out of touch; he didn’t have a good plan for the future. He hadn’t prepared a competent successor to the throne and now his household was out of control. David reaped what he sowed into his sons’ lives and the consequences were just getting started.