Where did King David go wrong as a father? He could have raised his many sons to be great men. Instead he had a household full of troubled young men. Absalom might have become the finest of them all, but David missed several opportunities to shape his character and win his heart.

When Amnon raped Absalom’s sister Tamar, Absalom waited two years for his father to bring about justice against his half-brother and restore honor to his desolate sister, but David did nothing.

Then Absalom invited his father to come and celebrate his prosperity with him, but David declined. David tacitly aided Absalom’s assassination of Amnon by refusing to be there when his sons met face to face. Then David did nothing to address the murder of Amnon. He allowed Absalom to flee to his grandfather’s town and live there for three years. David treated Absalom as if he were nobody, not even worth prosecuting for fratricide.

When Joab persuaded David to allow Absalom to come back to Jerusalem, he didn’t see or speak to him for two years. They finally met face to face, but David still didn’t address their troubled past. After another year of silence, Absalom finally turned against his father. His repressed anger came out in a passion to humiliate, hurt, and even kill his father if he could.

David’s Network Saves Him

King David, his army, and his household fled Jerusalem just before Absalom arrived to take control of the city. But David planted some loyal men in Jerusalem who fed him vital information.

David’s advisor Hushai, managed to win Absalom’s confidence and influenced him not to follow the advice of Ahithophel, who offered a plan that would have captured and killed David that night. Hushai countered with a different plan that bought some time for David to escape.

The priests Zadok and Abiathar heard about the plan from Hushai and sent a servant girl to inform their sons Jonathan and Ahimaaz who were waiting outside Jerusalem. The two sons were observed, but they managed to escape by hiding in a well when Absalom’s officers came to arrest them. Then they went to David and told him it was time to flee over the Jordan River.

David and his whole company crossed the Jordan that night and by daybreak they had made it into the fortress city of Mahanaim. Mahanaim was near Rabbah, the great city of the Ammonites whom David had recently defeated and subjugated. The Ammonites wanted to maintain peace with David so their leaders graciously brought supplies to Mahanaim, “for they said, ‘The people have become exhausted and hungry and thirsty in the wilderness.’” 2 Samuel 17:29

Psalm 3 and Psalm 63

David did some of his best thinking when he was under pressure.

Psalm 3 is a meditation on the presence of God; a rich experience David had even as he fled from his son Absalom. He recognized that the Lord was his true shield and deliverer. Despite being surrounded by an army of human protection, David’s peace of mind came from the Lord.

“I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.” Psalm 3:4-5

In Psalm 63 David contemplated God’s presence deep in his soul. His whole being longed for God and he felt satisfied when he was with him. David could retreat into his inner life when troubles surged around him because he practiced the art of meditating on God.

“On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.” Psalm 63:6-8

David found genuine peace in God’s presence and from that place of peace and calm he was able to emerge and exercise leadership.

The Death of Absalom

David organized his army into divisions and placed them under the leadership of Joab, Abishai, and Ittai. These three men had been with David since before he was king. They were seasoned fighters who knew how to win a war.

David expected his commanders to be victorious against Absalom’s forces, the army of Israel, but he gave them one directive. They must be gentle with his son Absalom and keep him alive when they captured him. The whole army of Judah heard David give that order.

The battle pushed into the forest of Ephraim and the conditions were so treacherous that more men died from injuries and accidents than by the sword. Absalom became one of the casualties when his donkey ran under a low branch and Absalom’s thick hair got tangled up. His donkey ran on without him and he was left dangling in mid-air.

The first soldier who saw Absalom in that state reported it to Joab, thinking that this was the opportunity to capture him without injury. But Joab saw Absalom as the enemy of David and the throne of Israel, so he killed him. He sounded a trumpet to halt the battle and then he directed his men to bury Absalom in a big pit and cover him with rocks.

Earlier in his life, before he had a son, Absalom built a monument to himself in the King’s Valley, probably at the foot of the Mount of Olives. This was where Absalom planned to be buried. Instead he was unceremoniously buried in a pit on the east side of the Jordan River.

David Mourns for Absalom

The death of Absalom was big news and Ahimaaz son of Zadok, wanted to deliver it to David. Ahimaaz had given David the intelligence that made it possible for David to escape to Mahanaim. He was glad that David’s enemy Absalom had been defeated and he wanted to be there when David heard about it.

His commander Joab knew that this wasn’t going to be good news to David, so he sent a more expendable messenger, a Cushite, to deliver it, but he allowed Ahimaaz to run along behind him. When Ahimaaz got to David first and told him Judah had defeated Israel, “the king asked, ‘Is the young man Absalom safe?’” 2 Samuel 18:29

Ahimaaz suddenly realized what the news of Abaslom’s death might mean to David so he stammered out an excuse not to announce it. When the Cushite told David that Absalom had died, David was shaken.

“He went up to his room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: ‘O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you – O Absalom, my son, my son!’” 2 Samuel 18:33

Joab Rebukes the King

David’s army loved and respected him. When they returned from battle and learned that David was distraught over the death of his son Absalom, they crept into Mahanaim as if they had lost the war. King David should have been at the gate of the city to laud their victory, but he was in his room weeping.

Joab had enough of David’s unpredictable behavior. He was ready to lead an insurrection if David didn’t go and encourage the men who just fought for him and saved his life.

“I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a man will be left to you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come on you from your youth till now.” 2 Samuel 19:7

“So the king got up and took his seat in the gateway. When the men were told, ‘The king is sitting in the gateway,’ they all came before him.” 2 Samuel 19:8

David Returns to Jerusalem

The tribes were divided briefly when Absalom tried to overthrow David, but they soon reunited under King David. David sent word to his tribe, Judah, and asked them to accept the honor of bringing him back to Jerusalem.

Retracing his steps back to the city, David met again the people who were there when he left. Shimei, who had cursed and thrown rocks at David now begged his pardon. Mephibosheth, who had stayed behind in Jerusalem complained that he was betrayed and misrepresented by Ziba. Ziba reminded David about how generous he had been to the king and his people that first day.

This was no time to settle old accounts, so David forgave Shimei on the spot. He listened to Mephibosheth and divided Saul’s estate equally between him and Ziba.

But there was an ominous note in how David spoke to Abishai, Joab’s brother. Abishai suggested that Shimei should be put to death for cursing the Lord’s anointed and David replied,

“What does this have to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah? What right do you have to interfere? Should anyone be put to death in Israel today? Don’t I know that today I am king over Israel?” 2 Samuel 19:22

David held his commanders, Joab and Abishai, responsible for the death of his son Absalom. He didn’t want their advice now that he was restored as king over all of Israel.